KandaRainbowsoul's Journal #29 - No happy way out?!

Turns out I managed to like someone very much again, but it's nowhere near my passed away beloved's level. Therefore it's a problem that has no happy way out. I still love my late boyfriend a good amount, yet the image of those days turns out vague. Yet if I were to hear that he's alive, if I were to see him, be it in heaven, hell, earth, neverland, space, wherever, I'm pretty sure my feelings for him would awaken in the level that they were before, meaning this guy I like a lot right now would stand no chance.
To explain better...
I know he had a crush on me, I had to reject him in the past, and I don't know if he still likes me now (probably not). I don't know him IRL either. There are a few possible outcomes outta this.
First is he gets me into a relationship - I'd feel bad because after death or if I were to see my former again, I'd leave him alone, breaking his poor heart.
Second is he will leave me alone/eventually finds another girl - I'd feel bad because I want him to spend time with me and feel lonely.
Third is he'll stay with me, but in no relationship, just forever single - I'd feel bad that he's stuck with me and cannot move on to a better life.

Well, this is screwed.

I wonder if the certain mentioned person is reading this.

But still, it is screwity screwed.

If only my former could come alive back ;_;