Allen_Kanda's Journal #15 - If boredom reaches acute levels...

The plan for today was a theathre show. Strangely enough, I messed up locations today. Went to the Slovak National Theatre while we had to go to Theatre Arena... Actually, I had no idea where Theatre Arena was, atleast now I know.

So I went to sit there, hoping there'd be atleast something exciting about the show. No, nothing, it bored me so much I slept in there - and I had enough sleep actually... I wasn't able to understand well what's going on. That show has made me a zombie...

Tomorrow I have to go to the zoo to Vienna - which I don't really want to do, since I have to wake up earlier and I come back later than usual ( comeback is said to be half past five ) , and aside from that I've been there a dozen times and it's all walking. Gosh why is it obligatory, can't we have anything else atleast? *Thinks how to persuade her mother to let her skip out* After that, I'll probably be doing the project for the rest of the day, the deadline is 1st June which is Friday.

I wish also good luck to my current favourite MMORPG, Megaten, as it went on emergency mainteanance yesterday and seems to still not have returned, atleast when I last checked. I doubt I'll have any time tomorrow, unless I actually manage to skip out the zoo.

Ah well I don't feel like solving that now, I'll try some stuff in the morning. I'll also try going off earlier today, as I pledged to myself two days ago.

One more thing, I got permission to go to a J-rock concert in Budapest in November, but I have no idea whether:
-I can still get a ticket
-My classmates can pick me up
-I'm actually welcome

I started to feel like butting in, but well I can't express my real intentions in real life as well as I can on the internet. Some things are more the benefit of online life, while some are of offline life.

So how will tomorrow turn out, I wonder?

Allen_Kanda's Journal #14 - Sources of Strength

Today I spent most of my time with people, and I felt really strong then. We worked in groups several times, no one isolated me from the group, and it made me happy. Guess I have a rough picture what was wrong at school till now, Sitting on a place and watching doesn't resolve anything. (Hi Yukki.) If you don't stand up and don't do your stuff, you won't achieve anything. However, you should remain careful and try not to pester. If you're unsure, ask.

Yeah I guess I'm still not a grave case. May I be getting frustrated over illusions...over nothing? Indeed, I spend too much time here on the PC, but then there are two possiblities - 1) I have a strong will to overcome my own burdens, or 2) I may spend much time here, however as long as I realise it, it's not an addiction. I wonder which it may be.

When it comes to will, you sure can raise it! If you feel incontent with something you carry on doing, like always sitting on the PC, not enough exercise, stuff... you can tell suddenly to yourself : "Alright, time to change that" If you go against the flow, believe me, things will change. :) And that's what life is about, no?

Okay enough life theories, time to do something... Maybe some anime will cut it today.

Note to self: Don't you dare to forget about the meetup on Saturday!

Allen_Kanda´s Journal #13 - Another attempt to break through

I get the feeling it's all getting worse on me. The clock of fate keeps ticking like crazy.

But most importantly - can I keep up with what I'm doing? I'm unsure about so many things, even about myself. I really want to quit it all and run and hide, atleast for a while. But at the same time I feel like things indeed are possible when you try, but it won't be easy.

It's so weird, these events of the past few months, I don't even know what the heck is going on with some people... and somethings...or whatever. I'm in the middle of chaos.

I'm scared of particles of the future, knowing that there are things that could happen and could destroy me in one go... How frustrating...

Fragile like a butterfly - that's how I currently feel...Yeah, I really hate that, means it's time to break that. I won't let myself become weak as hell, I've taken a path, I have people I really want to protect. I still am not down, despite stuff mocking me.

Time to take some time off the PC soon.
Note to self: Try your best to get off the PC earlier on your own free will.

Anime Review - Mirai Nikki

I must say, this was an very enjoyable anime. Despite lack of time because of school and many other things, everytime I sat behind the computer to watch Mirai Nikki I enjoyed my time. So if you like detective+psychological animes (yeah even though it's not labeled detective it had that feel), or just want some constant excitement, if you watch this anime, you're gonna have a good time.

Story - 10/10...Much a higher number.
One word: Fascinating. It goes at a good pace, it wasn't the usual thing you find everywhere in animes, not your usual good vs. evil. Sometimes you could tell that some of the opponents had good intentions actually, forexample when Keigo became the enemy to save his son. And sometimes you get the feeling the main protagonists are the evil ones. Nope, you ain't resting or getting anything run-of-the-mill. Enjoy.

Art - 9/10
Art may be the weakpoint of this anime. But well, even though it could be better, it wasn't the kawaii-desu you meet in several animes. The company tried hard drawing it well so 9/10

Sound - 10/10
OPs and EDs caught my music taste, and I even remember hearing a bit of one OST and still recalling it because it was awesome. Yup, gets full points from me. (Though Yuno's VA is slightly over the hat at times, but not to the extent it would be incredibly annoying)

Characters - 10/10
I like how the author worked with heavy psychologization. We could tell the character's personality, feelings, everything. There were no blurries, nothing half-assed spotted, how characters react while believing in something, and when they learn it's wrong. Well done!

Enjoyment - 10/10...Much a higher number. 
As I mentioned above, I never felt bored while watching Mirai Nikki. This might aswell be the first anime achieving that.

Overall - 10/10...Much a higher number. 
Favourited and I have no words left to say. I thought the animes I gave a reserve and favourited were awesome, but this extended them pretty much everything. 

Recommended to: People bored of animes that go really usual, people who enjoy psychological detective animes and/or people who want really wicked love stories

Allen_Kanda's Journal #12 - Eternal downtime

Well, my favourite game is heading towards it. It feels like an eternal downtime. Gosh, the servers are so unstable. It even got me so bored I wanted to play some Dragonica, until I realised that doesn´t work either for me anymore.

Let's see, yesterday it went down like twice. First I was doing Act 13 with a friend, then I was doing Celu silver with another and he got net issues. And the day before I was just fooling around in Nakano. Before that I had issues connecting into the game and two days before the area where I left my chara was down. I recall the server collapsing before and areas being down before.

Well, I'm gonna test for today.

Also, I'm thinking about quitting reviewing on MAL and keeping it only here. I have several very good reasons. I'll put my Mirai Nikki review here in the soon future and also my recommendation with properly marked spoilers - stuff

and the servers are working today...question is for how long and how well...

Allen_Kanda's Journal #11 - Subject to change

I'd feel awkward talking about it directly but I've admitted one of my severe flaws to my mother. It's one I had since my childhood and I'm repressing it. As I don't like talking about it, I'm not gonna write an article about it either, or atleast not now. I just hope for it to disappear soon.

I didn't go to school today. I'll go tomorrow. But yeah, one free day. I should study Chemistry, but I don't feel like that. Bet I can whip up something from that anyway.

I lost sense in school. I haven't told my mother yet. Everyone telling me to study...but for what? For money? I'm aware I know already what I need. I don't need that much stress... I'll try to let my mother know somehow by hints... I don't like how this world spins all over money.

Look at the stuff you eat. Especially if it's meat...The meat is from a slaughterhouse factory, not a farm. I saw a movie on Tuesday, the animals don't really feel the warmth of a mother much. They live their live on one sort of food, their feet are all covered in their fecals. And they're mass-dying and destined to die, just for it to be cheap. Well true, it may be different now, I haven't finished watching it. But it's still cruel. Vegetables isn't too safe either, it's all genetically overmodded to be cheap. A tomato is not even a real tomato. All is for money....

And we have no right to dominate nature, not to this way. What is money? Also made from paper, which is made from trees. And if we just hog more and more, we'll destroy all of the true future which is nature. All the food is nature. Most of the world's beauty is also nature. Destroying it like this is just how bad this world's higer-up people go - reaching safely to an end.

I'm tired of this... Several things just need several changes. It's possible...Anything is possible, if we REALLY want to.

Allen_Kanda's Journal #10 - Feelings VS. Facts

I wanted to type this yesterday, yet my mum started shouting at me so I went off the computer.

To start off - I did decent on my Physics test. However I had to do awesome, I get the feeling what I did there wasn't enough for getting a fine grade. But there's one test left, and if anything I can still fix this test. Let's hope I won't screw up this time. But if I were to get a D from Physics on the year end, I could aswell say goodbye to my holiday TwT . And history went bad. Like really bad, and I could get a C on year end. Then I went to the sushi restaurant in Eurovea. And there I lost my keys.

But do I consider my day as a bad one? Not at all.

Even at times others would envy me the factful events, I could still be depressed and sad. However, even at days where I get bad marks and all goes wrong, I can keep laughing and go like "it's all okay". It's just the kind of person I am - feeling-based. I won't say all people are like this, some will go and abide by the events of the day, be they small or big. And there are some that are affected by both.

Today I don't feel the bestest, but not too bad either - average. Although Slovakia beat Canada in Ice Hockey and I got an A from German which I thought I'd screw up...as the sole from the class. Yet I don't feel as in my skin as yesterday.

And as a last note, responding to the last article - This blog was meant to be a place where I can spill out my emotions. You don't have to worry if something I write here is a bit worrysome, but I tell I can manage. If I need help from you, I will PM you, so no need to worry about me because of my articles. It makes me feel bad for writing them...

I'm fine, walking towards a new day.

Allen_Kanda's Journal #09 - Boredom at School

 









dayum, using opera so I bet the formating will be totally screwed.
Not on my usual computer either, as I'm at school, I requested a code for one time use because I'm protecting my Google Account via mobile. SMS from a number abroad...Bet it will raise the bill RIP.

Today I'd really like to go on sushi, but I guess I have to consider instant pasta enough. Since we had seven lessons I will waste much time when I go today and possibly I could be forced to study when I go home.

Beside that, tomorrow on a online friend of mine will have her test season so she won't play SMT with me for some time...

God damnit! That just sounded so PC addicted. As for online friends, online relationships, online enemies, etc...all is fine! But lately I get the feeling it's just online life. Nothing in real life, nothing. I'm close to getting completely frustrated about it.

Lesson end. I'll head home. Now let's wait how long it takes until I get completely frustrated from this...or will I?

----

EDIT:
From home: I feel horribly frustrated today. I want to cry. I want to break things. I even consider dying in painful ways. But then...I´d feel even weaker as I feel now. I don´t have any online relationship (as in of love) at the moment, and my friends may understand it if I take a sudden leave from everything but... but....there´s not even a reason to fill in here! I need to hug someone that understands me, cry on his/her shoulder, complain about things that bother me, after that I´ll vent out my frustration and I´ll be fine. Fine to face the world strongly. Feeling restrained or feeling weak terribly frustrates me. If I´m not able to fight, not able to protect what´s dear to me...I can consider my life not worth living for.

If that were to happen, I plea someone to borrow me strength, until I gain some on my own.

HP 36/167 MP: 5/36  I still can fight, despite all. I have no idea what to think about some things and some people anymore. I have no idea whether at this point I can stand strong for long. But let´s hope. I guess soon it´s time for a "No PC for 24h day" where I won´t go online at all. If I fail to last that, then it´s bad. But I believe in my ability, in my will.

So, when will that day come...?

Allen_Kanda's Journal #08 - Distortions (Unholy morning time)

3 AM, don't expect too much brainpower.

As for a share of my thoughts of this moment, I'm thinking whether I'm not starting to get too selfish on the internet. Last thing I recall is thinking I'm pretty good at japanese when comparing my skills to people who know less. And now I re-readed my last review and some lines indeed seemed like I wanted to show off. Or did they?

I don't want to be like that. Not caring about others, just myself. True, it's healthy to care a bit about yourself, but not to the extent it's annoying. And in some parts of human relations, it's necessary. I think it's necessary in relationships of love, even if just for a bit. You won't find happiness if you just doubt in yourself and let others go ahead and not care about you at all. Also, it's always worth a try despite the obstacles. Sometimes it won't work out, sometimes it will. But who ever reached the goal by giving up to the start? Like in a sports race... Losers are winners too, whether they rank second, fifth, last, whatever...with time (and practice), they might rank first one day.

eh why am I saying this...3 AM, right.

Mhmm, didn't get myself to make some custard pudding today, despite I wanted to. Also the instant bolognese spaghetti changed and now they taste horrible. Do they recycle vomit into it? Its scent and taste today made me feel dizzy, and I felt like I could barf from it. Couldn't eat it at all...ugh.

So there we were, doing a dungeon, suspicing my spaghetti.

Productivity of today: One chart of Think the Future is done. 6 NPS Hard. And I have no freaking idea how to make more. I could probably do something with the vocals for medium and for easy, step the signature beat that defines the BPM. But lately I'm not a fan of vocal stepping. I have to lower the rate to define it well and then the song is all holds. And a song with a hard and easy chart would feel a bit odd indeed, I like it when charts stick to eachother.

Well, tomorrow it's Sunday, which means I have to study some! ...And we start with the fourth period!! Do I even need a alarm clock for that? 4th period starts 10:50 AM...well means I've to wake up around 9:30 AM which deserves an alarm clock I guess. Though I woke up at 8AM yesterday.

I think I don't even have to study at the moment, but a sneak peek on Physics would be fine.

Now for sleep.

Anime Review - Mars of Destruction

Can´t tell if this review is as bad as MAL´s community says, but I hope it´s not and they´re just trolling for the lulz... I was like CHALLENGE ACCEPTED when I saw a 19-minute long anime that´s considered worst on MAL. I didn´t consider it as bad...but yeah.

Here goes:

I bet this is supposed to be a parody on where anime is leading according to some people, or simply sci-fi anime. Could work for moe anime as well. As I am looking at it from every possible aspect, I found this anime just slightly below average.

Story - 3/10
The story could go out way better, if it wasn't up for parodyzing. The ones they implemented was really simplified, and the one they could implement at the end didn't get implemented at all. If I were to rework this anime, it could turn out awesomer and not taken as a parody. But eh.

Art - 6/10
It was OK, I've seen way worse. 2005.... I'd say 2002 or so, but ok. It was not too "kawaii desu" as I am lately getting tired of that style. I guess six points will cut it.

Sound - 2/10
...was there anything mentionable? No. But I've still heard worse things in my life.

Character - 2/10
No personality, whatosever, no deep feelings, nothing. Still better than School Days' characters which were just freaking dumb in all aspects. But I guess they were symbolic so yeah.

Enjoyment - 5/10
I took it as an parody, so I relatively enjoyed it. It wasn't too amusing though, so in the medium of bored and amused, so five points.

Overall - 4/10
They say this anime is the worst, but I've seen way worse for my tastebuds. Take my taste as wicked if you like. Note that I've handled this as a parody, I don't know whether it was intended to be like that, but it will forever stay a parody for me.

Reccomended for:  People who are tired of moe/sci-fi anime.  

Allen_Kanda's Journal #07 - Hello world!

Was a long time since I last wrote an article...oh wait, it wasn't really as long as I thought. Odd....Despite it's just 9th of May I feel like it's atleast the middle of it, if not end. What the hell's wrong with me? I might know it, but I never thought it's to this extent....and then I might've lived lying to myself in the past. I guess my brain and heart are both in the final stages of development...are they? Or will it still go on?

And especially...if it still goes on, will it ever finish? It might just be something endless again.

There are 4 things I verified to be endless:
*The universe
*Human stupidity
*Xer...err I mean someone's ego (really, I shouldn't use blogs for badmouthing, even despite having legit reasons.)
*Amount of weakpoints of Gakis. (Ice, Fire, Electric, Force...and it goes on lmao.)
And the list may extend, on and on~

Yesterday I finally socialized with my class. I just have been a quiet girl in the corner IRL. I still can't talk much with most people (lack of topics) outside the internet. There are exceptions though, mostly between otakus. I want to extend my own borders and feel like I totally belong once. Not like it's bothering me too much... I simply make most of my friends through the internet.

Open question: Does true strength lie in overcoming your borders and/or fighting for something you desire, without giving up?

As for today, I had such a lot to study I barely got a grasp of being here. I still am not finished, and I won't even bother... I will finish my studies at school and hope for the best, because I don't like to kill whole days over studies, as simple as that.

And I'm pretty mad on my Slovak/Social Studies teacher, because dating a 100-page reading and a test on the same day is really mean. Must be Gaian, they epicly cursed me today on Imagine. LAW haters....

History test didn't go as well as planned, thinking about re-taking the test verbally, since I wouldn't like ending up with a C on year-end. But Physics still sounds creepier. Studystudystudy!! >< aah I want a peaceful and calm holiday already :<

Allen_Kanda's Journal #06 - Energy Drain

I felt all right today. Right in the morning, ticket control. But guess what? He ignored me. The woman sitting next to me saw it and we laughed, despite not knowing each other or not exchanging words. Funny situation indeed. Then two tests, but I didn't BS any of them, atleast I hope so :P  No results from History, and rest was relax... Small matters about PE, but rest was relatively fine. When I came home I started stepping TSUBASA. Got done 51 seconds, they're paddable, and then a tiredness struck me down. I went to Imagine neverthless, but just now I became unable to play more.

And not a single anime was watched that day....

Wonder whether tomorrow the public pool will become possible, but I doubt it. Weather is too BS as of now.

Allen_Kanda's Journal #05 - Defense Break

The stronger you want to become, the weaker you feel..?

I'd say there are days where I feel freaking weak like breaking down, probably simply from natural reasons. (Post-Menstrual Syndrome?) And I completely hate it, it even makes my day ruined, which could turn out completely fine.

I have no energy at the moment, yet my mind fails to rest. I guess I should just lay down to sleep until I start thinking completely stupidly. While I´m still at my senses...

PS. I'm thinking about cutting off writing my reviews on MAL and just writing them here, as people never acknowledge them.

Allen_Kanda's Journal #04 - A day completely killed

Really. Get up, study, go on Imagine and that is all. Did I do anything productive today? No.... Well if I don't count expertising my first Demolition Dash skill. :P

It might be done by the heat. I've asked my mum to go to an aquapark this weekend if the weather keeps on being this hot and nice, so if all goes well I'll have an awesome Saturday. The water slide tower is open on weekends so I may enjoy it a lot. Might aswell try the slide I've never gathered my courage to go on haha xD

I hope all will go well tomorrow in school.

Now a video of a glitch I've experienced on SMT today.

My older simfiles

No individual downloads because they needed fixes and stuff mostly. I will link to the VCP they're in.
Will upload banners later.
VCP 7
1. Monochroact
1/4/7/8/11/(12 by ZipFile)
2. Secret
x/x/x/8/x
http://vocamania.net/topic/7362667/1/
VCP 8
3. IMITATION BLACK
2/x/8/9/11
4. Japanese Banquet Song (Hayashi Uta)
1/5/6/7/10/(9 by Merm :D)
Collab 1: Thumbsy, Allen_Nezumi, akstylish and me - Soar
Mine is Oni 14.
2/5/7/10/14
http://vocamania.net/topic/7375952/1/
VCP 9
Collab 2: Thumbsy, me - Tomoe
Mine are the hardest three
1/3/4/6/9 <-not sure about these, too lazy to check SM
Collab 3: Mirelle, Shizu, Allen_Nezumi, me, TheDerpus, Descension (Eze) - Anti the infinity holic
3/4/6/8/12/14 <-not sure either. modifications lol.
http://vocamania.net/topic/7388163/1/

Also got some files in Bleach Universe, maybe I'll edit that in later or something...
And that's about it from my personal history :P

Allen_Kanda's Journal #03 - Reunion

O hai.
Today (well actually yesterday but it's not really 1st May for me unless I go to sleep) I finally talked to an awesome person -friend of mine- I haven't talked to for ages~ So I'm perfectly happy. ^_^ Also, I didn't know I could talk straight for 3.5 hours without sending any pictures lol *Writes up in record book*
Got a school-free day tomorrow (TODAY...khsglgk fuck you clock) but I can't take breaks from studies yet. It's getting lately more and more serious - and the subject that scares me the most is Physics. I got a F today because of that dumb surprise test I didn't even give a fuck about. I really don't want to fail or D a class! It would be frustrating, humiliating, and my parents will be so mad I won't see the computer and possibly not even the outer light for two months of the summer holidays. TwT There's Physics on Wednesday, and it are these pesky Physical Exercises on the 0th lesson - That means waking up early and mass-filling in of what I lack. So not wanna do it, but I have no other choice. I have missed too much classes in the past two weeks (3 days of classes lmao yes that's considered too much) - missings I had to take, first was due to fevers and second was due to freaking period being painful. Now to check which exercises I have to fill in.
Also have to study History. I have no idea when I will be examined, it could be anytime, and when I'm the only one, I have no chance of evading it. I regret slacking so much in the past months. But oh well, only 3 days of school left this week. And next week might aswell be similar...with the difference of test from physics on Monday. :I Geography will also get its proper notes from me... Can't afford to BS more tests. Putting it as simple as that.

It's only 1 AM and I'm really tired already. No anime episode was watched today, thank you SMT: Imagine. :P

PS: Katakana is BS. Hiragana FTW. ;)